Overwhelmed... or choosing not to be

 

Overwhelmed…… or choosing not to be

My book club recently read “Overwhelmed:  Work, Love, and Play when No One has the Time” by Brigid Shulte.  The book made me feel angry, frustrated, hopeful, inspired, and…..overwhelmed.  But, overall, I took some really meaningful points from it that I want to continue to mull over, reflect on, and continually be mindful of.

#1:  How I feel about my time and how I spend it is huge.

There will always be more things I want to do in life than what I have time for.  This is because I am an interesting person (sometimes I have to convince myself of that b/c I don’t always feel it).  I have a million interests.  I want to live a rich, fulfilling, eventful life.  So how do I keep myself from feeling overwhelmed with what I also have to do?  I have to change my perspective.  If I resent doing dishes, cleaning the bathroom, etc., then I am miserable doing it and I dwell on the resentment.  If I can try to do all of my chores and tasks with gratitude, it feels different.  This is asset v. deficit thinking.  “I have enough” rather than “I never have enough”.

#2:  I have to approach my time with intentionality

I sometimes feel bummed by the lack of spontaneity in my life, and I wonder if I am at all capable of operating without a schedule or a plan.  And yet, I feel more spontaneous overall having children in my life.  Harper and Rory demand it.  I plan/schedule a lot so that we can maximize our fun and time together (the important things in life).  It means I don’t really watch tv.  But really, will I ever regret not watching enough tv in life? 

#3:  Sometimes I have to multi-task, but I strive to find more presence in the moment

I really want to role model appropriate boundaries with technology as Rory and Harper grow.  Life does not and should not stop because of a text message.  I want to give what’s important my full (not half-a$$ed) attention.

#4:  I refuse to feel victimized by my time

As Harper and Rory grow and have more demands on their time, this will be a huge challenge.  And, I believe I can achieve this if I practice self-care, model good time-management by setting priorities and boundaries, play regularly, act intentionally, and approach each day and activity with gratitude.  Each day is a gift to experience fully.  I don't want to simply go through the motions or feel like I never have "enough time" to live.

So, in an effort to be more “in the moment”, I’m not going to tick off a list of things we’ve done the past few months.  Instead I’m going to share a few meaningful, spontaneous moments I always hope to remember.

·         Blond little Rory waking up from naps looking like “Doc” in Back to the Future with his remarkable bed-head.

 

·         “I’m ready for bath, Mom!”  I turn around and see a stark-naked Harper wearing her swimming goggles.

·         The great sense of satisfaction completing a training run (for a half-marathon I ultimately didn’t get to do b/c of injury) on a beautiful spring morning with friends.

·         The unrestrained joy of a toddler doing something for himself or getting something he wants Cracker…”yea!”  Pulling the cap off a marker …. Clap, clap, clap “yay!”  Going down the slide by himself … “wee!”

·         Harper and Rory playing together is such a joy for me to observe.  They spent the better part of half-an-hour one day inside a cardboard box.  We made “Harper and Rory Stew” by adding lots of ingredients (stuffed animals) and stirring them up with kitchen spoons.

 

·         Harper riding her strider bike around the neighborhood in her poufy pink dress-up clothes.  And, Harper learning to take "selfies" with our phone cameras.

 

·         My little “helpers” at Ace Hardware pushing the kid carts around the store.  I’m pretty sure we were a hindrance to the store, but they definitely won cutest shoppers of the day.

·         Eric and I getting to go on a couple of dates together, having kid-free fun, and realizing we love each other just as much as ever.

As spring turns to summer and your calendar starts to fill up with vacations, sporting events, family visits, etc., I hope you’ll also remember to notice the small things and not let the “overwhelm” of life wear you down. 

Spreading our Wings….. and Taking Flight

Happy belated New Year!  And Happy (almost) Valentines Day!  Despite my best intentions, holiday photo cards simply did not happen this year.  I so love getting them in the mail, and I was sad to not reciprocate.  But, it just didn’t happen.  No excuses.  I’m starting to feel more at peace with that.  Hopefully this update will suffice for you…..

My fall post was about how quickly time passes (cliché, I know).  While time certainly hasn’t slowed down, this time I’d like to share some thoughts and reflections about a new phenomenon at our house; growing independence.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”   -  Elizabeth Stone.

My mom shared this quote with me when I became pregnant with Harper.  I love it so much, as it really encapsulates the vulnerability I feel in loving two people so much.  But until recently, I never really gave much thought to the “walking around outside your body” part.  I associated that part of the quote with giving part of myself to each of them and them having that piece of me (my unyielding love) always with them.  

In the past few months, I’ve been thinking a lot about that quote in the sense of untethering some of the physical connections I have with Harper and Rory.  I’ve been reflecting more and more on who they are and how they can and will operate in an increasingly independent way.  

And, independence we have gained.  All of us have gained independence in significant ways.

Rory:  Rory weaned off of breast milk around Christmas time.  Initially, I wasn’t sure how that transition would go, as he didn’t seem that ready to give it up.  But, he flew through it with flying colors with only a couple rough mornings.  His newly independent status meant Eric could put him to bed, wake him up, and tend to his needs on an equal level.  That’s hugely helpful for our family.  Granted, I loved breastfeeding, and I will always cherish the physical bond I had with Rory (and Harper) during that time.  I wouldn’t take that back for anything in the world.  And, his new found independence has perks too (like, Eric and I being able to go on a trip – keep reading).

Harper:  Harper is now 3-and-a-half (the ½ part is VERY important).  She’s growing up and maturing at an astronomical rate.  I frequently look at her and think “slow down!”; this time is so precious.   Harper’s independence has been tested and stretched by experimenting with “blankie-free time”.  Since about 15 months, Harper has been very, very attached to her blankie.  She calls it “monk” because it is a monkey blanket.  “Monk” has seen better days.  “Monk” is only about half the size it once was, and it is a permanent brownish-white color that looks faintly gross if you look too long.  “Monk” has gone many places, and for the past year has been drug all over every square inch of our house.  Now that Harper is 3 ½, we are working on not needing “monk” all the time.  “Monk” is of course available for bed/nap time and when she feels sad, but we don’t take “monk” outside the house, and we try to keep “monk” in her room so she can focus on being a big kid.  This has been a big test for Miss Harper, but she is doing very well.  Without “monk” attached to her all the time, she plays more, talks more, engages more, and we get to see more of her sparkling, sweet, and curious personality. 

Eric and I:  Aside from the physical independence I gained weaning Rory, Eric and I experienced a feat of independence in January when we left our precious little ones with my parents (Thanks, Mom and Dad) for 5 days to go to a friend’s wedding in Mexico.  Leading up to the event, I was nervous.  I felt nervous about recently-weaned Rory not having his Mama around.  I worried one or both kids would get sick.  I worried they wouldn’t sleep well.  I worried they would wear my parents out.  We bought tickets for the trip in August and I wondered if I made the right decision.  Then, I realized….. my parents are more of the experts on parenting than I am.  They raised Shayna and I and have seen way more sticky situations than I have.  And, they are grandparents.  They will love Harper and Rory even if they are sick / not sleeping / grumpy / etc.   

So, we went.  We had a wonderful time.  Once we got to our absolutely gorgeous destination and met up with our friends, we realized that we made the right decision.  Being away, we had time to reconnect with each other.  We got to party late into the night like we were young 20-somethings instead of responsibility-laden 35-year-olds with 2 kids and a mortgage.  We got to sleep in, eat brunch at noon, and experience a day with absolutely no agenda.  It was so refreshing!

Did we miss Harper and Rory?  Of course!!!  And, we knew they were doing well.  They, in fact, were doing awesome – way better than expected!  None of my fears manifested and they had a fantastic time with their BB and GrandBob.  

And so, in recent months, we’ve all been tested.  And, we’ve grown.  We’ve spread our wings a bit and have taken some independent flights.  I know this journey in parenting is all about preparing Harper and Rory in ways that will empower them to take flight in life and develop into the amazing individuals they are meant to become.  I just hope my heart is up to the challenge……

Sending much love to you and your families this Valentines Day season.

The Longest Shortest Time

 

The Longest Shortest Time

I ran across a parenting website recently that is titled The Longest Shortest Time.  The website features articles and podcasts that are released weekly at 3am to give parents something to look forward to when we are awake at that hour.  The articles and podcasts are interesting, but what resonated with me most of all was the title of the website itself and the significance of it in my life.

Summer is a great example of a longest shortest time.  With longer days, I always feel like I should have more time to do the things that define summer for me – hiking, biking to Old Town for ice cream, backyard BBQs, swimming.  Each summer we make a list of fun things we want to do, and while we did a good job of covering most of them this summer (though maybe not as often as we would have liked), the summer still felt like it went by way too quickly.  While our lives are not changed by the start of school yet (preschool is next year), the days get dramatically shorter after Labor Day, and that signals the end of summer’s carefree feeling.

Some of our highlights from summer included:

·         A few family hiking trips – Harper enjoys hiking on the trail now, and she makes many adventures for herself along the way.  When she tires, she rides in her “big-kid-carrier”.

·         Two Daddy-daughter camping trips – This was a hard one for me to swallow, as I love camping hate to be left out of family adventures.  But, with Rory not sleeping super-well in the summer months, we didn’t want to keep the whole family, let alone the whole campground, awake at night.  Besides, it is important for Harper and Eric to have Daddy-daughter adventures.  They had a great time.

·         A trip to the YMCA of the Rockies near Winter Park, CO – We met my sister and her family there for the 4^th of July weekend.  Many adventures were had there and special memories made with cousins.

·         Haley & Rory’s flight to KS – During one of the Daddy-daughter camping trips, Rory and I flew to KS for my grandmother’s 85^th birthday party.  Flying with 9-month-old excessively drooly Rory was a memory I will not soon forget.

·         Lots of backyard BBQs – Dining out with small children isn’t always very enjoyable, but we decided that shouldn’t stop us from being sociable.  We tried to host friends once a week for a potluck meal.  This is a tradition we will plan to continue, as it really made the summer fun.

·         Visitors – We had quite a few (3 or 4) grandparent weekends during the summer.  And, we were the hosts of my high school BFFs reunion.  So fun!

Another way I experience a longest shortest time is when I’m exhausted and trying to get through the moments that are tough.  We were blessed to acquire hand, foot, and mouth disease in mid-July.  Rory had it the worst and had a good 5 or 6 days and nights of discomfort, fever, and pain.  That week felt very long in the moment.  The hours I spent rocking him in a chair at times felt like they would never end.  And yet, we bounced back.  Similarly, Rory struggled with sleep, and we had some rather rough nights from time to time trying to soothe him in the middle of the night.  Those nights were not fun in the moment, and they were definitely not fun the next day.  And yet, those memories are very minor in what I remember of the summer at this point.

And finally, birthdays are when I really reflect on our longest shortest times.  365 days is a full trip around the sun.  It’s an eternity in the mind of a toddler.  And, it passes at a frighteningly fast pace. 

Two-and-a-half months ago, we celebrated Harper’s third birthday.  What is she like as a three-year-old?  She is growing more and more confident in her body – jumping, climbing, racing around, balancing on one foot, making up silly dances and yoga-poses.  She is clever and creative, making up stories and telling tall tales.  She is sensitive and a bit shy.  She makes me proud and makes me smile every day.

 Being the sappy, sentimental person that I am, I have found myself teary-eyed at some point of all of Harper’s birthdays.  Each year around July 19, I am flooded with memories of what I was doing in the days immediately preceding and following her birth as well.  The magnitude of that big transition in our lives is something I still feel quite acutely.  I wonder if that will ever wear off? 

Three weeks ago, we celebrated Rory’s first birthday.   What is he like as a one-year-old?  Rory is crawling around everywhere, and he’s very fast at it.  He pulls up to standing but is not walking much yet.  He is sociable yet independent.  He will play by himself and entertain himself quite readily at times.  Other times, he insists that he be a part of everything Harper is doing (much to her dismay).  He is our cuddle-bear.  We love when he crawls on top of us and snuggles his head against our lap, leg, foot, etc.  He talks enthusiastically in his very own Rory-language.  He makes us laugh every single day. 

 

If I thought time passed quickly during Harper’s first year, it passed at the speed of light for Rory’s first year.  I’m trying hard not to feel regretful or guilty.  But, I cannot help but feel like I’ve missed out on enjoying some of the precious moments of the year.  I wasn’t able to be 100% present for Rory like I was for Harper (second child syndrome – I know he will be A-ok).  I wasn’t able to fully enjoy his infancy.  With each passing day, Rory becomes more and more toddler-like and less and less baby-like.  I find myself stretching the minutes in which I hold him and rock him and sing to him at night because I know the days when he will rest his head on my shoulder while I put him to bed are fleeting. 

There is so much to look forward to in the growth and development of our family.  And, while all of those anticipations excite me, the passing of some of the precious parts grieves me as well.

How blessed I feel for the gifts of every day – the hard and the amazing – in these longest shortest times.

Summer Lovin’

In my last post, I wrote quite a bit (in as positive way as possible) about how it was difficult to make plans due to Rory’s nap and erratic sleep schedule.  Rory’s 4^th-7^th months were rough on all of us.  I went back to work at 4 months, and we struggled with sleeping during the day and night through April.  We had a few rounds of illness, it was cold and dark, and overall, we were not our best selves despite our best efforts.

Then, something wonderful happened…..

Late spring and summer arrived in Fort Collins.  It’s amazing what better weather does for your mood when you’re feeling stir-crazy and slightly confined to your house.  Rory needs his morning naps, which can limit our plans on the weekends.  But, while he’s sleeping, we can play outside!   That has made all the difference in the world on all of our moods.  Rory gets better sleep and we are all less resentful of his naps. Suddenly, I felt like we were better able to plan our days and commit to outings or social engagements.   It’s like we suddenly surfaced from the sea of unpredictability.

So, summer has been a huge blessing to our family.  We feel much more like the family we want to be – social, active, connected – now that the weather is nice.  

Are you humming “Summer Nights” from Grease yet?  That song is popping into my head as I write about loving summer time. 

Summer lovin' had me a blast   /   Summer lovin' happened so fast

I met a girl, crazy for me   /   I met a boy, cute as can be

Summer days driftin' away to uh-oh those summer nights

Summer lovin' had me a blast :  We’ve had quite a few adventures this summer – some bigger than others.

• ·         Visiting McPherson for birthday parties, the All School’s Day Parade, Baldwin Family reunion, hay-rides,  playing with cousins, and more
• ·         Bike riding – Eric and I have gotten a couple of rides in together.  And, Harper has learned to ride her tricycle
• ·         BBQs in the back yard with friends
• ·         Splash park and pool time
• ·         Hikes to waterfalls, streams and rivers, and “humongous mountains” (according to Harper)
• ·         Visiting Snow Mountain Ranch (YMCA of the Rockies in Winter Park) with cousins
• ·         Daddy-daughter camping trip
• ·         Tasting grass, sticks, rocks, sand, etc. (Rory’s primary summer activity)

Summer lovin’ happened so fast:  Summer always goes by so quickly, but I feel more acutely aware of it when I see the developmental milestones Rory and Harper pass on a daily/weekly basis. 

• ·         Harper is in a “watch me” phase – we “watch” her do all sorts of crazy acrobatics and tasks.  “Isn’t that amazing?” she asks.
• ·         Rory went from siting in one spot (where you put him) to crawling EVERYWHERE in one day.  He has found every wire, lamp, bit of fuzz, etc. that we don’t want him to find.
• ·         Harper turned 3 on July 19.  She is now “a big girl”.  I’m not sure what happened to my baby.  She has long hair and is so tall and articulate.  Not a baby anymore at all.
• ·         Rory is babbling up a storm.  We are quite sure his first word may be “Harper”, but it’s not officially confirmed.  We hear lots of sounds.  He’s especially fond of blowing raspberries.

I met a girl, crazy for me – I will change this to “crazy for turning three”.  Our summer has been defined by her birthday.  We started talking about “when I’m three” months ago, and it is still the topic of conversation weeks later.  We celebrated for an entire week with both sets of grandparents and several of Harper’s friends.  She was so excited about everything!

I met a boy, cute as can be – Rory is really starting to develop his personality.  He is a fairly laid back little guy who entertains himself pretty well.  He loves to take things out of boxes or buckets and clap them together.  His favorite toys right now are pulling all the pieces out of puzzles and playing with his sister’s toy house.  He likes flushing the play toilet.  Rory babbles a lot and has a very ornery and flirtatious smile. 

Summer days driftin’ away to uh-oh those summer nights – Nice evenings mean playing outside in the back yard, taking walks to the park, or hanging out in the neighborhood.  We often are surprised by the time when we check it, so getting kids to be on time has been a challenge.  And, even though it is light later in the evening, Eric and I are usually so pooped by the time Harper and Rory go to bed, we don’t get to take advantage of the extended time.  Summer nights for us are most enjoyable when our precious little ones are sleeping peacefully and we get to go to bed early.  

Now that it is almost August, I’m already mourning the end of summer. However, we are in a much different state now and I’m optimistic that we can continue in a positive way throughout the fall and winter.   

Well-a, well-a, well-a, ugh……………………..

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

The Remote Control of Life

 

It’s time for another post.  Fitting these in is increasingly difficult.  But for a rare moment, I have both kids asleep.  And, while there are other things I could be doing, I feel inspired today to write and reflect on our lives.

In my last post, I was just getting ready to return to work.  We’ve made that transition fairly successfully, although life feels very busy.  Our daily lives feel like they are scheduled to the max with little wiggle room.   However, we also find ourselves in a state of not really being able to make many plans, as we don’t know how Rory will sleep from day to day.  So, in that way, we are more spontaneous than we’ve ever been.  It’s such an interesting balance.

I feel as though our lives run without a lot of our own control at times.  It’s almost as if someone else has the remote and from time to time s/he likes to push a new button just to shake things up.  I wish I was able to hold onto the remote more, so that I could dictate the pace of life.  For example….

Play – This may be our every-day, routine pace.  The pace is by nature pretty quick, and it starts early in the day and ends as early as possible in the evening.  My desire with a “play” button isn’t necessarily to change our routine of life.  But, maybe a “play” button could function as a prompt for making more time for guilt-less play or relaxation without feeling like I have so much else to do.

Rewind -  All too often, Harper will say or do something absolutely hilarious, and I want her to do it again (either for me or for someone else).  It’s never quite the same even if the action or statement can be repeated.  Rory does funny things too now, and I sometimes am like “darn, I wish I caught that on video or camera!”  Wouldn’t a rewind button be nice?  Or, a daily highlight reel like on ESPN Sports Center?

Fast-Forward – Life with two children under the age of three isn’t easy.  At times it is down-right exhausting and HARD (like when we have sick kiddos).  Rory’s sometimes erratic nap schedule (it depends on the day) makes it difficult to make plans.  We’ve had to reschedule or cancel plans with friends many times due to the unpredictable nature of our life.   And, Rory still wakes at least once at night for feeding and comfort.  I love breast-feeding, but it is exhausting and hard on my body to give so much to him.  Harper is gaining independence, which is awesome.  And, it sometimes makes us feel like we are herding cats to get her out the door or to pick up toys, etc.  Some days, everything feels like a negotiation.  Sometimes, I feel like I wish we could just get through a certain stage, be it an illness or developmental milestone.

 And, yet, these are precious times.  While life will be easier when Rory sleeps through the night and takes only one nap a day, I do not want to wish away his baby-hood for anything in the world.  The other night, as I was feeding and comforting Rory at midnight, I was struck by how much I could loathe a moment (when I am so tired) and never want it to end, all at the same time. 

The same goes for Harper.  She is really growing up.  She is incredibly smart (not trying to brag here) and is figuring out the world in her own way every single day.  The openness, curiosity, and innocence with which she approaches each day is beautiful.  I dread the day she get her feelings hurt by a friend, or feels ashamed by her body, or feels pain or loss.  I know I cannot protect Harper or Rory from those things, and I wouldn’t want to because they are part of the journey of life.  But wow,  life is pretty precious when you’re two (almost three) or 7 months, and all you feel or know about  the world is love and wonder.

I think above all else, what I’d really like on my remote control is a giant PAUSE button.  I wouldn’t want to use it indefinitely.  But, a button to slow down the precious moments and allow me to savor them, share them, and reflect on them would be so wonderful.