Spreading our Wings….. and Taking Flight

Happy belated New Year!  And Happy (almost) Valentines Day!  Despite my best intentions, holiday photo cards simply did not happen this year.  I so love getting them in the mail, and I was sad to not reciprocate.  But, it just didn’t happen.  No excuses.  I’m starting to feel more at peace with that.  Hopefully this update will suffice for you…..

My fall post was about how quickly time passes (cliché, I know).  While time certainly hasn’t slowed down, this time I’d like to share some thoughts and reflections about a new phenomenon at our house; growing independence.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”   -  Elizabeth Stone.

My mom shared this quote with me when I became pregnant with Harper.  I love it so much, as it really encapsulates the vulnerability I feel in loving two people so much.  But until recently, I never really gave much thought to the “walking around outside your body” part.  I associated that part of the quote with giving part of myself to each of them and them having that piece of me (my unyielding love) always with them.  

In the past few months, I’ve been thinking a lot about that quote in the sense of untethering some of the physical connections I have with Harper and Rory.  I’ve been reflecting more and more on who they are and how they can and will operate in an increasingly independent way.  

And, independence we have gained.  All of us have gained independence in significant ways.

Rory:  Rory weaned off of breast milk around Christmas time.  Initially, I wasn’t sure how that transition would go, as he didn’t seem that ready to give it up.  But, he flew through it with flying colors with only a couple rough mornings.  His newly independent status meant Eric could put him to bed, wake him up, and tend to his needs on an equal level.  That’s hugely helpful for our family.  Granted, I loved breastfeeding, and I will always cherish the physical bond I had with Rory (and Harper) during that time.  I wouldn’t take that back for anything in the world.  And, his new found independence has perks too (like, Eric and I being able to go on a trip – keep reading).

Harper:  Harper is now 3-and-a-half (the ½ part is VERY important).  She’s growing up and maturing at an astronomical rate.  I frequently look at her and think “slow down!”; this time is so precious.   Harper’s independence has been tested and stretched by experimenting with “blankie-free time”.  Since about 15 months, Harper has been very, very attached to her blankie.  She calls it “monk” because it is a monkey blanket.  “Monk” has seen better days.  “Monk” is only about half the size it once was, and it is a permanent brownish-white color that looks faintly gross if you look too long.  “Monk” has gone many places, and for the past year has been drug all over every square inch of our house.  Now that Harper is 3 ½, we are working on not needing “monk” all the time.  “Monk” is of course available for bed/nap time and when she feels sad, but we don’t take “monk” outside the house, and we try to keep “monk” in her room so she can focus on being a big kid.  This has been a big test for Miss Harper, but she is doing very well.  Without “monk” attached to her all the time, she plays more, talks more, engages more, and we get to see more of her sparkling, sweet, and curious personality. 

Eric and I:  Aside from the physical independence I gained weaning Rory, Eric and I experienced a feat of independence in January when we left our precious little ones with my parents (Thanks, Mom and Dad) for 5 days to go to a friend’s wedding in Mexico.  Leading up to the event, I was nervous.  I felt nervous about recently-weaned Rory not having his Mama around.  I worried one or both kids would get sick.  I worried they wouldn’t sleep well.  I worried they would wear my parents out.  We bought tickets for the trip in August and I wondered if I made the right decision.  Then, I realized….. my parents are more of the experts on parenting than I am.  They raised Shayna and I and have seen way more sticky situations than I have.  And, they are grandparents.  They will love Harper and Rory even if they are sick / not sleeping / grumpy / etc.   

So, we went.  We had a wonderful time.  Once we got to our absolutely gorgeous destination and met up with our friends, we realized that we made the right decision.  Being away, we had time to reconnect with each other.  We got to party late into the night like we were young 20-somethings instead of responsibility-laden 35-year-olds with 2 kids and a mortgage.  We got to sleep in, eat brunch at noon, and experience a day with absolutely no agenda.  It was so refreshing!

Did we miss Harper and Rory?  Of course!!!  And, we knew they were doing well.  They, in fact, were doing awesome – way better than expected!  None of my fears manifested and they had a fantastic time with their BB and GrandBob.  

And so, in recent months, we’ve all been tested.  And, we’ve grown.  We’ve spread our wings a bit and have taken some independent flights.  I know this journey in parenting is all about preparing Harper and Rory in ways that will empower them to take flight in life and develop into the amazing individuals they are meant to become.  I just hope my heart is up to the challenge……

Sending much love to you and your families this Valentines Day season.