Home is where ….

The second half of 2015 had a lot going on, but the biggest, messiest, most awesome, and most disruptive event was our family’s move to a new house.   The move went something like this:

• Spring – Eric and I began having conversations about how our (then) current house probably isn’t a long-term place.   “Maybe we should call our realtor and just put feelers out”, we thought.
• June – We tentative entered the real estate market.  The market in Fort Collins was (and still is) hot, hot, hot, so many times we would go see places that were way over-priced and already sold before we even got a chance to see them. 
• Mid-July  - One Friday, our realtor called and said “I think you should go look at this place”.  I had worked a crazy double-orientation day and was not at all interested in speeding over to look at another disappointing place after work.  But, I took 3 seconds to view the property online, and something about it made me say “we should go”.  We went to look, and it was just what we were looking for.  The size, layout, and finishes we just what we wanted.  Nothing about it needed fixing or replacing, and we didn’t have to sacrifice anything on our “needs” list.  We made a competitive but reasonable offer and didn’t get our hopes up.  Houses were selling for way over asking price all summer.  And then…. they picked us!
• August – Trying to coordinate a move with a 4 and almost-2 year-old was interesting.   We got very little done and were pretty anxious about how it was all going to work.  My saintly parents made 3 trips in 6 weeks to assist with moving, kid care, and painting/maintenance on the old place.  They deserve a medal for their hard work and support.

So, as of August 30, we’ve been in our new house:  3202 Reedgrass Ct.  It’s nestled along the foothills on the very west edge of Fort Collins.  We are two blocks from a trail that runs right up the foothills.  It’s so awesome!  The only down side is that we now are about 1.5 miles farther away from Old Town and CSU (where Eric and I work).  But, every house has its trade-offs, and we felt we could handle the farther distance with the appeal of being so much closer to the mountains.  We now have a full basement with a guest suite – perfect for visitors!!! (hint, hint, hint).

So moving has been the theme of the fall.  The moving and unpacking of stuff has been hard work for sure (we still don’t have all boxes unpacked, curtains on windows, or many pictures on the walls), but it’s the emotional work of moving into our new house and in other areas of life that have taken us longer to adjust to.  

For example, Harper “moved” into pre-kindergarten this fall.  She has been at a small in-home daycare with 5 other kids since she was 3 months old.  To move to a class with 20 kids was overwhelming and exhausting for her.  It happened the week we moved, so pretty much her whole world turned upside down within one week.  It was so rough.  She cried how her house didn’t feel like ‘her home” and how her room didn’t feel like “her room”.  On top of that, she missed her old friends and Donna (daycare provider), and she had to adjust to a totally new routine and environment.  Eric and I both felt like we deserved a “worst parenting decision of the year” award after making her go through those 2 huge transitions in the same week.   It took her 2 full months of tears every single morning at drop off and exhausted temper-tantrums in the evenings to fully adjust.  Now, she is thriving.  She babbles happily about her friends, she plays “school” all the time teaching Rory, Eric and I new songs, activities, and “rules”.  We are very proud of how strong and brave she was to get through that time, as it was not easy.  Hopefully the transition to kindergarten next year will be easier.    

The Harper –to-school transition also impacted Rory to a degree.  He’s always been with Harper.  Her move was a “move” for him as well.  They’ve really never spent much time apart.  He would get sad some mornings when Harper would go to school.  “I go to school too?” he would ask hopefully.  Luckily, he was easily distracted and happy to arrive at daycare to see his familiar faces.  He also suffered through many Harper tantrums.  He felt confused and uncertain watching them, as Harper was never as mean to him or as defiant to us as she was during her transition to pre-school. 

For Eric, the move meant taking on a second job – that of being a landlord.  The new role requires another level of “moving on” in the sense that you still own the place and are responsible for it.  But, you have to let go at some level.  Finding the right balance of oversight versus freedom and flexibility will be a challenge we both have to adjust to as we see if this is the right choice for our family.

For me, the move has been emotional too.  Despite the excitement of moving to a new house, I was plagued by feelings of sadness and grief from time to time.  We were leaving our “first house”; the old house was where I brought both of my babies home from the hospital.  It’s where I spent hours and hours on maternity leave rocking, nursing, and dozing with my little ones.  It’s where all of us experienced oh-so-many firsts. 

And yet, we are so blessed!!! We have a lot of painting, updating, and finishing to do. But it has so much potential.  Our new house definitely feels like the “right” house to raise our family in.  And again, we have ample space for guests!

As we approach the end of 2015, I am reminded how much we all are “works in progress.”  Our lives have long lists of “to-dos”, like fresh coats of paint, new fixtures, or some updated decorations.  But really, if we let go of our expectations of what we should be like and what our lives should look like, we really do have so much to be grateful for.  Sometimes the edges are messy and we may have to fight back tears or have tantrums.  Isn’t that how growth occurs?   And in the end, we hopefully find our home; our center, and our place of comfort with those we love most. 

May you be “home” for the holidays finding peace and joy wherever you are and with whomever you’re surrounded.

Sending love and blessings……

Haley, Eric, Harper (4) and Rory (2)

3202 Reedgrass Ct.     

Fort Collins, CO  80521

Overwhelmed... or choosing not to be

 

Overwhelmed…… or choosing not to be

My book club recently read “Overwhelmed:  Work, Love, and Play when No One has the Time” by Brigid Shulte.  The book made me feel angry, frustrated, hopeful, inspired, and…..overwhelmed.  But, overall, I took some really meaningful points from it that I want to continue to mull over, reflect on, and continually be mindful of.

#1:  How I feel about my time and how I spend it is huge.

There will always be more things I want to do in life than what I have time for.  This is because I am an interesting person (sometimes I have to convince myself of that b/c I don’t always feel it).  I have a million interests.  I want to live a rich, fulfilling, eventful life.  So how do I keep myself from feeling overwhelmed with what I also have to do?  I have to change my perspective.  If I resent doing dishes, cleaning the bathroom, etc., then I am miserable doing it and I dwell on the resentment.  If I can try to do all of my chores and tasks with gratitude, it feels different.  This is asset v. deficit thinking.  “I have enough” rather than “I never have enough”.

#2:  I have to approach my time with intentionality

I sometimes feel bummed by the lack of spontaneity in my life, and I wonder if I am at all capable of operating without a schedule or a plan.  And yet, I feel more spontaneous overall having children in my life.  Harper and Rory demand it.  I plan/schedule a lot so that we can maximize our fun and time together (the important things in life).  It means I don’t really watch tv.  But really, will I ever regret not watching enough tv in life? 

#3:  Sometimes I have to multi-task, but I strive to find more presence in the moment

I really want to role model appropriate boundaries with technology as Rory and Harper grow.  Life does not and should not stop because of a text message.  I want to give what’s important my full (not half-a$$ed) attention.

#4:  I refuse to feel victimized by my time

As Harper and Rory grow and have more demands on their time, this will be a huge challenge.  And, I believe I can achieve this if I practice self-care, model good time-management by setting priorities and boundaries, play regularly, act intentionally, and approach each day and activity with gratitude.  Each day is a gift to experience fully.  I don't want to simply go through the motions or feel like I never have "enough time" to live.

So, in an effort to be more “in the moment”, I’m not going to tick off a list of things we’ve done the past few months.  Instead I’m going to share a few meaningful, spontaneous moments I always hope to remember.

·         Blond little Rory waking up from naps looking like “Doc” in Back to the Future with his remarkable bed-head.

 

·         “I’m ready for bath, Mom!”  I turn around and see a stark-naked Harper wearing her swimming goggles.

·         The great sense of satisfaction completing a training run (for a half-marathon I ultimately didn’t get to do b/c of injury) on a beautiful spring morning with friends.

·         The unrestrained joy of a toddler doing something for himself or getting something he wants Cracker…”yea!”  Pulling the cap off a marker …. Clap, clap, clap “yay!”  Going down the slide by himself … “wee!”

·         Harper and Rory playing together is such a joy for me to observe.  They spent the better part of half-an-hour one day inside a cardboard box.  We made “Harper and Rory Stew” by adding lots of ingredients (stuffed animals) and stirring them up with kitchen spoons.

 

·         Harper riding her strider bike around the neighborhood in her poufy pink dress-up clothes.  And, Harper learning to take "selfies" with our phone cameras.

 

·         My little “helpers” at Ace Hardware pushing the kid carts around the store.  I’m pretty sure we were a hindrance to the store, but they definitely won cutest shoppers of the day.

·         Eric and I getting to go on a couple of dates together, having kid-free fun, and realizing we love each other just as much as ever.

As spring turns to summer and your calendar starts to fill up with vacations, sporting events, family visits, etc., I hope you’ll also remember to notice the small things and not let the “overwhelm” of life wear you down. 

Spreading our Wings….. and Taking Flight

Happy belated New Year!  And Happy (almost) Valentines Day!  Despite my best intentions, holiday photo cards simply did not happen this year.  I so love getting them in the mail, and I was sad to not reciprocate.  But, it just didn’t happen.  No excuses.  I’m starting to feel more at peace with that.  Hopefully this update will suffice for you…..

My fall post was about how quickly time passes (cliché, I know).  While time certainly hasn’t slowed down, this time I’d like to share some thoughts and reflections about a new phenomenon at our house; growing independence.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”   -  Elizabeth Stone.

My mom shared this quote with me when I became pregnant with Harper.  I love it so much, as it really encapsulates the vulnerability I feel in loving two people so much.  But until recently, I never really gave much thought to the “walking around outside your body” part.  I associated that part of the quote with giving part of myself to each of them and them having that piece of me (my unyielding love) always with them.  

In the past few months, I’ve been thinking a lot about that quote in the sense of untethering some of the physical connections I have with Harper and Rory.  I’ve been reflecting more and more on who they are and how they can and will operate in an increasingly independent way.  

And, independence we have gained.  All of us have gained independence in significant ways.

Rory:  Rory weaned off of breast milk around Christmas time.  Initially, I wasn’t sure how that transition would go, as he didn’t seem that ready to give it up.  But, he flew through it with flying colors with only a couple rough mornings.  His newly independent status meant Eric could put him to bed, wake him up, and tend to his needs on an equal level.  That’s hugely helpful for our family.  Granted, I loved breastfeeding, and I will always cherish the physical bond I had with Rory (and Harper) during that time.  I wouldn’t take that back for anything in the world.  And, his new found independence has perks too (like, Eric and I being able to go on a trip – keep reading).

Harper:  Harper is now 3-and-a-half (the ½ part is VERY important).  She’s growing up and maturing at an astronomical rate.  I frequently look at her and think “slow down!”; this time is so precious.   Harper’s independence has been tested and stretched by experimenting with “blankie-free time”.  Since about 15 months, Harper has been very, very attached to her blankie.  She calls it “monk” because it is a monkey blanket.  “Monk” has seen better days.  “Monk” is only about half the size it once was, and it is a permanent brownish-white color that looks faintly gross if you look too long.  “Monk” has gone many places, and for the past year has been drug all over every square inch of our house.  Now that Harper is 3 ½, we are working on not needing “monk” all the time.  “Monk” is of course available for bed/nap time and when she feels sad, but we don’t take “monk” outside the house, and we try to keep “monk” in her room so she can focus on being a big kid.  This has been a big test for Miss Harper, but she is doing very well.  Without “monk” attached to her all the time, she plays more, talks more, engages more, and we get to see more of her sparkling, sweet, and curious personality. 

Eric and I:  Aside from the physical independence I gained weaning Rory, Eric and I experienced a feat of independence in January when we left our precious little ones with my parents (Thanks, Mom and Dad) for 5 days to go to a friend’s wedding in Mexico.  Leading up to the event, I was nervous.  I felt nervous about recently-weaned Rory not having his Mama around.  I worried one or both kids would get sick.  I worried they wouldn’t sleep well.  I worried they would wear my parents out.  We bought tickets for the trip in August and I wondered if I made the right decision.  Then, I realized….. my parents are more of the experts on parenting than I am.  They raised Shayna and I and have seen way more sticky situations than I have.  And, they are grandparents.  They will love Harper and Rory even if they are sick / not sleeping / grumpy / etc.   

So, we went.  We had a wonderful time.  Once we got to our absolutely gorgeous destination and met up with our friends, we realized that we made the right decision.  Being away, we had time to reconnect with each other.  We got to party late into the night like we were young 20-somethings instead of responsibility-laden 35-year-olds with 2 kids and a mortgage.  We got to sleep in, eat brunch at noon, and experience a day with absolutely no agenda.  It was so refreshing!

Did we miss Harper and Rory?  Of course!!!  And, we knew they were doing well.  They, in fact, were doing awesome – way better than expected!  None of my fears manifested and they had a fantastic time with their BB and GrandBob.  

And so, in recent months, we’ve all been tested.  And, we’ve grown.  We’ve spread our wings a bit and have taken some independent flights.  I know this journey in parenting is all about preparing Harper and Rory in ways that will empower them to take flight in life and develop into the amazing individuals they are meant to become.  I just hope my heart is up to the challenge……

Sending much love to you and your families this Valentines Day season.