2020 Reflections : Rock 'n Roll and Rom-Com style

Every Rose has its Thorn

As I sit down to summarize 2020, I’m struck with a couple of writer’s dilemmas.  How honest should I be?  How positive should I be?  Should I go for documentary style or Rom-Com Hallmark movie style? 

The answer?  Both.  It feels fitting for 2020 to choose the paradoxical option.  So, here goes…..

2020 started off optimistic.  Eric and I just turned 40 at the end of December 2019, so we were embarking on a new age decade that matched the new decade of the 20s.  We had a celebratory family vacation planned to Mexico in February and lots of other big moments to look forward to in the new year.

We had a wonderful vacay to Akumal, Mexico, albeit our traveling party was smaller than we had originally planned.  Harper was thriving in 3^rd grade, and Rory was killing it in kindergarten.  Eric and I were working, juggling all the things, and keeping ourselves as balanced as can be expected for a busy family of four.

The, March hit.  And, well…… you know.

We endured the hardships almost all the rest of you have endured. 

·         There was the shortage of toilet paper, hand sanitizer stock-ups, and making sure we had masks with us as all times. 

·         There was the struggle through remote learning, working from home, and stay-at-home orders. 

·         There was the weekly highlight of take-out dinner, just to break up the cooking.

·         There was racial injustice and a divisive election. 

·         There was the learning of Zoom, Messenger, Facetime, etc. and how to connect meaningfully in socially-distant ways.

On top of all this, a wildfire – the largest in Colorado history – ravaged the mountains directly west of our home.  We had days where the sky was so dark at noon you would have guessed it was 8pm.  We had air-quality alerts of purple (beyond red).  It felt dystopic.

This was almost too much to bear.  Throughout the pandemic, the only place we felt “normal” was in the great outdoors.  From August through October we were stripped of our playground, our solace, our sanctuary.  Evacuated.  Burned. 

2020 was paradoxical too, as I found myself stuck in cycles of contradictory thinking:

·         I can feel completely overwhelmed and underwhelmed in the same moment.

·         I can feel grateful and bitter about the same things.

·         I can feel liberated and homesick when I think about not traveling for holidays.

·         I can feel resentful and proud of my work.

·         I can feel worried about and comforted by my kids.

·         I can feel annoyed and completely love.

·         I can feel like time is racing by and standing still at the same time.

·         I can feel frantic and unmotivated simultaneously.

As I look at all of this, 2020 definitely did feel like the Dumpster Fire the popular GIFs and memes allude to.  But, in the words of the 1980s hair band, Poison, “Every Rose has its Thorn”,  2020 feels like a patch of goat-heads popping bicycle tires.  Or a huge brambly, overgrown bush. 

And yet, we have grown some beautiful roses.

·         2020 has cultivated a strong sense of community amongst the families in our neighborhood.  When we moved her 5 years ago, Eric and I hoped that our kids would someday roam the street, knocking on front doors to play.  It took a pandemic to get there (and maybe just a level of maturity), but the “United Nation of Reedgrass Kids” has formed (complete with a rotating cycle of presidential office and a flag).  Playing outside with neighbors has been one of the only social outlets Harper and Rory have enjoyed this year.  They have built bike jumps and snow forts.  They have played soccer, basketball, and hide and seek.  They squirt each other with water blasters.  They have lego-building derbies and paper-airplane contests in the driveways.  This group of kids is tight-knit now.  We are so grateful.

·         2020 has allowed us to continue our love of outdoor adventures.  Shopping malls and movie theatres shutting down didn’t impact us as much as others.  Thankfully, we were able to get out for most months this year (wildfires aside).  Some highlights

o   Biking over 50 miles together on Fort Collins’ bike trails in the month of May and discovering some new natural areas in the process.

o   Stand-Up Paddle Boarding once a week during June, July, and early August in Horsetooth Reservoir. 

o   3 lovely, blissful camping trips – 2 of which with excellent company.

o   Snorkeling and beach-combing in Mexico.  Harper is such a water girl.  She just took off!

·         2020 made family visits all the more precious.  We feel so thankful we were able to make a few trips back to Kansas in the summer when COVID rates weren’t as high to see family.  The kids got to participate in their beloved Cousin Camp, which made summer feel “real”.

·         2020 made us lean on our Fort Collins family.  In addition to the “Reedgrass Kids”, we had to invite others “in” to make life in a pandemic work.  Our nanny, our school “pod” family, our honorary “aunt and uncle”, my running group, and more.  All of our important local peeps are showing up for us in different ways.  We only hope we are adding as much to their lives as we gain from them. 

·         2020 has made us flex our creativity, resilience and gratitude muscles.   

o   We’ve performed plays, had cupcake baking challenges, written and illustrated books, created art, built things, and developed games and scavenger hunts. 

o   We’ve cried, journaled, meditated, hugged, slept, talked it out, and reached out.

o   We’ve practiced gratitude by lighting a candle and sharing something we are thankful for every night before dinner.

Whew!  There is a lot of beauty there.  Giant, blooming roses.

While we hope 2021 won’t be as thorny as 2020, we know there are hardships to come.  And, hopefully some of our thorn-like experiences in 2020 transform into roses of some variety in the future. 

Transformation.  I love that.  I guess I’m a fan of Rom-Coms after all 😊.  But, I don’t like super-cheesy rom-coms.  I like stories and characters with depth.  Happy endings are nice, but I’m most interested in seeing growth that results in some sort of transformation.

So now the writer’s question that remains:  How can we transform our own personal 2020s to become bouquets with beautiful thorns and flowers? 

Wishing you a transformational 2021 – documentary or Rom-Com style.

 

A Pacifist Joins a Fight Club and other news from 2017

I love getting the mail this time of year.  I love seeing family and friends’ beautiful photo cards and hanging them up in our dining room.  And, I also love sending them.  Addressing them, stamping them, and sorting them would not be tasks I would want to do on a regular basis.  But, I do find joy in the task once a year.  Along with the cards, I also like to send a little note for our blog post, so that I can share some updates on 2017.  So, without further ado, here goes……

3-year-old Rory becomes the worlds youngest real estate mogul

I remember last winter we found our old Monopoly game and the kids were curious.  So, we got it out, came up with some modified rules, and played.  Rory was the luckiest player!  With our modified rules, you could build houses on properties you owned if you just landed on it again.  Rory kept landing on his own properties and building house after house, hotel after hotel.  In the end, he won the game by a landslide – no cheating involved!  (just modified rules of course).

If addition to being a budding real estate investor, Rory (who is now 4), enjoys drawing very anatomically correct people and detailed machines, building with blocks and legos, playing outside, riding his Strider bike, cooking with Mom, and snuggling.  He started pre-school this year and is really starting to enjoy it after a couple of months of transition.

6-year-old Harper breaks world record for most days of a loose dangly tooth hanging on

Harper has had a loose tooth since March.  On the day she discovered it, we busted out the sewing machine to make a little tooth bag for when the tooth fell out.  She carried it with her on all overnight trips through the spring, summer and fall.  Guess when that tooth fell out……. December 12!  It was hanging on by a thread for months, but that thing just wouldn’t fall out.  Upon advice from her wise cousin, Gavin, she visualized it falling out on Dec. 11 and then it just happened the next day.  Woah!

Aside from breaking world records, Harper worked very hard to break a hard thumb-sucking habit this year.    She loves to ride her purple bike, swim, play school, make things for people, do crafts, and read.  She’s starting to learn to play piano, and she tried soccer for the first time this fall.  First-grade suits her very well.  She loves school.

Eric wrestles an Alligator and keeps all 5 fingers

Well, almost.  This statement is only partially true.  Eric did not wrestle a gator, but he did hold one.  Yes, it’s true.  In June, we took a family trip to the Great Sand Dunes National Park and not far from the park is the Colorado Gator Farm.  I did not want to go, but Eric convinced us all to stop.  During our tour, we fed gators, watched gators, and Eric HELD A GATOR!  The other 3 of us touched its tail.  Saying reptiles are not my thing is an understatement.  But, in the end, I will say it was one of the most fascinating places I’ve ever been. 

Thankfully, Eric decided not to enroll in the gator-wrestling class.  Instead he proved his athletic prowess cycling hundreds of miles in the foothills around Fort Collins, playing basketball, and building a play structure in our back yard.  He continues to amaze me with his handy-man skills.

Haley, the pacifist, joins a Fight Club

Earlier this fall I had the opportunity to co-facilitate a presentation at CSU’s Diversity Symposium called “Fight Moves for Working Parents”.  It was sponsored by the Feminist Fight Club at CSU, which is a group dedicated to combating micro aggressions and discrimination in the workplace.  It was a fun opportunity for me to step outside my comfort zone and speak up for how we can make the workplace more productive for working parents, which is an issue I feel passionate about.

Outside of the fight club, this year I’ve enjoying being active outside (running, biking, hiking), deepening my yoga practice, learning some new crafty skills (hello fabric screen-printing), and getting more involved in Harper’s school community. 

Our Holiday Card this year says “Find your Merry”.  For our family, some of the best times we’ve had are when we’re adventuring outside together.  Unplugging from technology, having no strict agenda, and simply exploring the wonders of the natural world make our hearts swell.

In this world that sometimes feels chaotic, too-busy, and unpredictable, we hope that you can find ways to connect with what brings you joy and merriment in 2018.

Peace and Love,

Haley, Eric, Harper and Rory 

*** photo credits to Derek Haynes ***

The Apple of Their Eyes - May 2017

The Apple of Their Eyes

May 5th was Harper's Kindergarten Music program.  She had been excitedly talking about it, practicing songs, and telling us all the details for months.  One set of grandparents attended.  We pre-ordered the official school video to show the other set of grandparents and cousins.  This was THE event of the year so far for Ms. Harper.

And, it did not disappoint.  The amount of energy, enthusiasm, and overall cute-ness of 80ish kindergartners singing their hearts out was just too much.  We clapped and waved and laughed and gave "thumbs up" signs.  Harper is typically pretty reserved and leans on the shy side, but in this program, she came to life!  Her singing was strong.  Her actions were bold.  Her smiles was wide.  Afterward, she told me it was even better than she imagined. 

 My heart was bursting with happiness and pride.

Harper and Rory do things big and small each day (well, most days) to make me proud.  They don't have to perform or demonstrate a new skill for me to feel proud of them.  Sometimes it's just a thoughtful, kind comment or a though-provoking question.  They teach me lessons every day and allow me to feel every emotion under the sun; pride and wonder being two of them.  

And, they feel such pride in themselves.  "Mommy look at this!"  "Mommy, guess what I can do?"  I hear phrases like this all the time.  Young children are so eager to learn and so proud to share their accomplishments with others.  

Thinking of their pride makes me wonder:  when is the last time I felt proud of something I did?

It only took a flip through the photos on my phone to find something.  A couple of weeks ago, I completed a half-marathon.  I say "completed" because I did not run the entire thing.  The Horsetooth Half Marathon in Fort Collins is tough!  Lots of ups and downs over the hills to the west of our home.  It was a gorgeous spring day and I had trained with an inspiring group of friends.  Given the hours I'd spent training in February, March, and April, I felt so relieved to cross the finish line and get my medal and free beer!!  It is safe to say that 13.1 miles is a bit beyond my comfort-zone.

After the race, both Harper and Rory ( and Eric too) gave me big hugs and asked lots of questions.   'Did you win?"  (ummmm.  no).  "Who won the race?"  (ummmm, I don't know).  "Why did you run so far?"  (good question!).  "Did you get to eat snacks and drink water?"  (yes, water and gatorade).  "Did you have to go potty?"  (again, yes).  

They seemed curious and pleased to be there at the chaotic, noisy finish.

Once we got home, I looked at the photos both Eric and I took of the race.  He and some other dads and kids collaborated to amass quite the cheering squad, complete with signs and noise-makers.  The photos he took of us runners running toward the kids is great.  We are so excited to see them!  I took a couple of the kids holding signs and anxiously awaiting high-fives from the moms in the group.

But my favorite, is a pic Eric took of me in the last quarter-mile.  I had just stopped to give Harper and Rory quick mini-hugs and had started running again.  I look excited to finish the race.  

 

 And, the look on Harper and Rory's faces is priceless to me.  Here's the zoom in.  

The looks of excitement and that's-my-mommy-pride fill my heart to overflow status.

I signed up for this race to get outside, gain strength and endurance, and socialize with my friends.  I need those things to be a happy, healthy Haley.  And, I gained something else in the process.  I realized that my kids are capable of feeling proud of me for doing something that isn't even connected to their ego-centric little selves.

As parents, we give so much of our energy and so much of our selves to our children.  We tend to their needs, support their dreams, and celebrate their accomplishments.  

AND, there is huge value in us parents challenging ourselves, getting out of our comfort zones, and accomplishing a goal we set for ourselves.  I feel strongly that if we want our kids to be resilient, to think outside of themselves, and develop healthy relationships, we have to be willing to demonstrate that we are complex people.  Even though being a mother is the most important thing in the world to me.  It's not the only important thing in my world.  I hope they will come to understand that, respect that, and live that as well.

So, when is the last time  you made yourself proud?  your kids proud?  Or, for my non-parent friends, when is the last time you made someone important to you proud?  

You don't have to run a half-marathon.  Just try something new and share that experience with others.  Feel the pride.  Relish it.  Share it.

Ready - Set - Go!