It’s time for another post.
Fitting these in is increasingly difficult. But for a rare moment, I have both kids
asleep. And, while there are other
things I could be doing, I feel inspired today to write and reflect on our
lives.
In my last post, I was just getting ready to return to
work. We’ve made that transition fairly
successfully, although life feels very busy.
Our daily lives feel like they are scheduled to the max with little
wiggle room. However, we also find
ourselves in a state of not really being able to make many plans, as we don’t
know how Rory will sleep from day to day.
So, in that way, we are more spontaneous than we’ve ever been. It’s such an interesting balance.
I feel as though our lives run without a lot of our own control
at times. It’s almost as if someone else
has the remote and from time to time s/he likes to push a new button just to
shake things up. I wish I was able to
hold onto the remote more, so that I could dictate the pace of life. For example….
Play – This may be our every-day, routine pace. The pace is by nature pretty quick, and it
starts early in the day and ends as early as possible in the evening. My desire with a “play” button isn’t necessarily
to change our routine of life. But,
maybe a “play” button could function as a prompt for making more time for guilt-less
play or relaxation without feeling like I have so much else to do.
Rewind - All
too often, Harper will say or do something absolutely hilarious, and I want her
to do it again (either for me or for someone else). It’s never quite the same even if the action
or statement can be repeated. Rory does
funny things too now, and I sometimes am like “darn, I wish I caught that on
video or camera!” Wouldn’t a rewind
button be nice? Or, a daily highlight
reel like on ESPN Sports Center?
Fast-Forward – Life with two children under the age
of three isn’t easy. At times it is
down-right exhausting and HARD (like when we have sick kiddos). Rory’s sometimes erratic nap schedule (it
depends on the day) makes it difficult to make plans. We’ve had to reschedule or cancel plans with friends
many times due to the unpredictable nature of our life. And,
Rory still wakes at least once at night for feeding and comfort. I love breast-feeding, but it is exhausting
and hard on my body to give so much to him. Harper is gaining independence, which is
awesome. And, it sometimes makes us feel
like we are herding cats to get her out the door or to pick up toys, etc. Some days, everything feels like a
negotiation. Sometimes, I feel like I
wish we could just get through a certain stage, be it an illness or
developmental milestone.
And, yet, these are precious times. While life will be easier when Rory sleeps
through the night and takes only one nap a day, I do not want to wish away his
baby-hood for anything in the world. The
other night, as I was feeding and comforting Rory at midnight, I was struck by
how much I could loathe a moment (when I am so tired) and never want it to end, all at the same time.
The same goes for Harper.
She is really growing up. She is
incredibly smart (not trying to brag here) and is figuring out the world in her
own way every single day. The openness,
curiosity, and innocence with which she approaches each day is beautiful. I dread the day she get her feelings hurt by
a friend, or feels ashamed by her body, or feels pain or loss. I know I cannot protect Harper or Rory from
those things, and I wouldn’t want to because they are part of the journey of
life. But wow, life is pretty precious when you’re two
(almost three) or 7 months, and all you feel or know about the world is love and wonder.
I think above all else, what I’d really like on my remote
control is a giant PAUSE button.
I wouldn’t want to use it indefinitely.
But, a button to slow down the precious moments and allow me to savor
them, share them, and reflect on them would be so wonderful.
